Venezuela
Guyana
Suriname
French Guiana
Brazil (Part 1)
Brazil (Part 2)
Paraguay
Argentina
Uruguay
Chile
Bolivia
Peru
Ecuador
Colombia


BOLIVIA

JANUARY 2006


The surreal Salar de Uyuni (salt flats) is like something from another world


People often ask me, "What is your favorite country?" It's a question without an answer, because there isn't just one of them. On one hand, I'm reluctant to identify these places, because I selfishly love having them to myself. On the other hand, I would really enjoy seeing them get the attention they deserve. Generally, for me, the barometer is whether or not I have the desire to return someplace a second time. I almost always prefer to go somewhere new rather than spend time and money on something I've already seen.

Bolivia qualifies as a country I would love to visit again someday. But don't pack your bags just yet. This place is not for everybody. It's South America's poorest nation, and travelling through it requires a huge amount of patience and endurance. If you are one of those people who needs to be comfortable at all times, Bolivia is not for you. However, if you can tolerate high altitude, dilapidated roads, and unreliable transportation, you're in for quite a treat. I mean, where else can you get a basic hotel room for less than US$3.00? In the words of Lonely Planet: Bolivia, "The going isn't always easy, but the rewards are worth the effort."

Other than Paraguay, Bolivia is the only other landlocked country in South America. This is largely due to a series of lost wars in the late 1800's and the early 1900's. During that time, the nation lost their precious coastline to Chile, and it's been downhill ever since. Today, the average annual income in US$2,500, and 70% of the population lives below the poverty line.

This is an exciting time to be in Bolivia, and it's an exciting time to be a Bolivian. With the recent election of Evo Morales, you can almost feel it in the air that, well, things just might be getting better.

Evo Morales has taken the nation by storm. He is Bolivia's first indiginous president in a country where for 500 years indiginous people were underrepresented and had little power. So, if you're a supporter of democracy, he's the logical choice. On the other hand, he's the former leader of coca farmers, so he's not going to be your right-hand man if you are a supporter of the U.S. led drug war. If nothing else, his victory has given some badly-needed press to this long-ignored nation. Hey, Evo, here's your first job: pave the roads that connect all key towns in the south. If you can do that, I'll gladly chew some coca leaves with you...my treat!

From San Pedro de Atacama in Chile, I took a two-day trek though the breathtaking landscape of Southwestern Bolivia. This was arranged through Colque Tours. My guidebooks had stern warnings about serious problems on these trips -- ranging from drivers getting hopelessly lost, to broken down vehicles, to driver assaults. However, almost everyone I spoke with said their trip was flawless and breathtaking...except for the two women who said their vehicle's tailpipe broke, and everyone was projectile vomiting as a result of carbon monoxide poisoning.

I chose Colque because Let's Go: Chile recommended them, and I hold their opinion in the highest regard. Colque also don't consolidate passengers with other companies and have been around longer than many of the others. At the beginning of the trip, I pulled Victor aside and told him he would be rewarded with a handsome tip if there weren't any problems. The trip to Uyuni was perfect; he truly earned it.

On the trek through southwest Bolivia, there were only two other passengers in the 4x4. One was a polite Turkish guy who lived in Paris and worked as a cook; the other was Sandrine, an adorable, incredibly sharp, colossally talented, French girl. I'd like to take this time to personally thank her for rebuking me whenever I said or did anything stupid, and for reminding me when my feet smelled or I had bad breath. I hope we stay in touch.

Somewhere along the way, I developed altitude sickness. It wasn't a severe case, but it was definitely a problem. At the first accomodation, Victor got me some coca leaf tea. He told me if I drank it and slept for a while, I'd be fine. After I woke up, the symptoms were completely gone. I dare say I felt pretty damn good. I guess this somehow makes me a drug user, huh? I suspect the people fighting the drug war have never suffered from altitude sickness. I guarantee you after ten minutes of it, they'd be pleading for coca leaves.

Salar de Uyuni: The world's largest salt flat (approx. 4,700 square miles) is one of the most bizarre places I've ever seen. There were a few inches of rain resting on the ground, so it felt like the 4x4 was driving on an ocean. The good news: our one-eared guide had worked there for thirty years, so he knew exactly where he was going. The bad news: he wasn't exactly playing with a full deck. At one point, I was watching his eyes from the back seat, and he fell asleep for a good ten seconds. Not to worry. There was nothing around for him to crash into -- except the Hotel Playa Blanca, made entirely from salt. If he sped toward it, I would have turned the wheel

Uyuni: This town is a pleasant mix of tourists and indiginous locals. It's the kind of place where you could wake up in the morning and find an excuse not to leave. In fact, that's almost what happened. It took three days for me to arrange transportation out of here. I could have left sooner, but the bus-without-toilet thing is kind of an issue for me. I finally left on a train that departed 9 ½ hours late.

Also in Uyuni:

  • Nearly all the indiginous women dress the same - long braids, colorful dresses, brown-red tights, Charlie Chaplin hats, etc. One small stall in the market had the braids for sale. I guess a few women got really strapped for cash, or maybe someone wasn't happy with their inheritance.

  • A 13-yr-old was running one of the small groceries. I thoroughly enjoyed buying beer from a terse boy standing next to a gas-station-style calender with a picture of a large-breasted, topless woman.

  • In town was some kind of military school. One of the young soldiers, dressed in full military garb, was walking down the street wearing a Mickey Mouse backpack. Am I the only one who finds this strange?

    La Paz: The de facto capital of Bolivia (Sucre is the judicial capital) is the highest capital city in the world at nearly 12,000 feet. Climb a hill too quickly and you'll be gasping for air. It's definitely one of the better South American capitals -- kind of reminds me of a third world San Francisco with its numerous hills, laid-back atmosphere, and excellent cafes. No cable cars here, though.

    Here are some odd things that I particularly enjoyed:

    The San Pedro Prison is a place where prisoners roam free, hold keys to their cells, and have all the needs of a community within its walls. I was soooo bummed out when Mr. Machine Gun informed me there were no longer tours of the facility. I talked to a tour operator who told me that tours were permanently halted when a violent street demonstration erupted in La Paz, and some of the prisoners tried taking the tourists hostage. A guy named Rusty Young lived among the prisoners for a few months and wrote a book called Marching Powder.

    The Witches' Market: Shop around for a dead baby llama, a tiny llama fetus, or various potions and trinkets that are supposed to bring you good luck.

    The Coca Museum: I kid you not! A museum dedicated to the history of the coca leaf. Exhibits cover everything from how to chew it properly, to drug addiction, to the use of coca in Coca Cola. An English translation is available.

    And keep your eyes peeled for...

  • Shoeshine boys who conceal their identity by covering their faces with scarves and ski masks, because they're ashamed of their profession. One of them told me they didn't want any kids or teachers from school to see them. No matter who they are, they give a damn good shoeshine for about US$0.13.

  • Take a taxi ride late at night and watch your driver race through every red light he encounters without even glancing for cars coming through the intersection

  • The bait-and-switch: I bought a ticket for the higher-quality tourist bus from La Paz to Copacabana. Since the bus only had a few passengers, the driver took us directly to the bus station and tossed everyone onto the lower-quality common bus. No apology, no refund.

    Lake Titicaca: The answer to the age-old trivia question, "Name the highest lake in the world."

    I'm going to let you in on a little secret: Lake Titiacaca is not the highest lake in the world. In fact, it's not even the highest navigable lake in the world. Apparently there are higher navigable lakes in Chile and Peru. Everything I've read leads me to believe Titicaca's official claim to fame is, "The highest lake in the world navigable by large vessels." Both Bolivia and Peru have access to Lake Titicaca, although Bolivians insist that "Bolivia got the TITI and Peru got the CACA."

    Copacabana: A hippie magnet on the eastern shore of Lake Titicaca. Another great South American town, for sure!

    So, how did a small village in Bolivia become the name of a Barry Manilow classic?

    1. Native Americans (Aymarans) called this place "kota kahuana," which means "view of the lake."
    2. In the 1800's, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil named a beach district for a chapel in Copacabana, Bolivia that has a mysterious image of the Virgin Mary.
    3. In the 1970's, Barry Manilow and his co-writer Bruce Sussman vacationed in Rio de Janeiro to think of some new song ideas. They hung out at Copacabana Beach in Rio de Janeiro and decided that "Copacabana" would be a great title for a song, since it had never been used before.
    4. When the song was eventually written, it was about a New York City nightclub named "Copacabana."
    5. There are no showgirls named Lola in Copacabana, Bolivia.

    Now you can finally sleep at night.

    Coolest Gringo in Bolivia: This award goes to Chris Sarage, the owner of Minuteman Pizza in Uyuni. Chris (who works side-by-side with his Bolivian wife, Sussy) has miraculously brought Boston-style pizza and American-style service to this remote corner of the world. And the breakfast? For a moment, I thought I had been transported to my hometown diner. On top of that, he's just a super-cool, regular guy. If he's not too busy, ask him what it's like running a restaurant in Bolivia. His stories are pee-in-your-pants hilarious.

    Street Dog Mathematics: There is a direct correlation between the economic success of a city and the health of its street dog population. In Uyuni, many dogs looked like they belonged to someone. In poorer cities, they looked like they hadn't eaten in months. One traveler I spoke with in Uyuni said she was up early in the morning and witnessed a street dog turf war complete with kingpin.

    Backpacker Generalization: I love backpackers, they are truly some of the most interesting people on Earth, but here's what I don't get about them. Although nearly all are on the liberal side -- you know, like "I wanna make the world a better place, man!" I rarely see a penny come out of their pockets for tipping the incredibly poor people who bend over backwards to help them. Why not? Well, that money could be used for another day of travel, of course! Or even worse, he/she might actually have to go back home and work for a whole ten minutes to earn that money back. Don't believe me? Talk to one of them. They'll give you an hour-long monologue about how dreadful the poverty is. Then watch them ingest US$2.00 meals, guzzle down fifty-cent beers, and stiff the impoverished waiter. Can you say, "hypocrite?"

    Another Rant: Fellow travelers, please stop telling me how much you dislike Americans and the United States, then sit down in front of the television and laugh your ass of while watching "Friends." Oh, and you might want to take off your blue jeans and stop using Microsoft Windows while you're at it. If you're going to take a stand, why not go all the way?

    Worst Song Heard: "Sleeping in my Car" by the Swedish goup Roxette (1994) sounds like it's from the '80s. Even then it would have been inexcusibly bad. I nearly choked on my meal.


    View near the Chile/Bolivia frontier


    Southwest Bolivia: Laguna Verde and Volcán Licancabur


    The georgeous landscape of Southwest Bolivia


    Southwest Bolivia: Geyser Basin


    Southwest Bolivia: The Great Rock


    The town of Villa Alota, Bolivia


    Town of Uyuni: Workers' Memorial


    Town of Uyuni: Give mamma a hug!


    "Has anyone seen my toothbrush?"
    Town of Uyuni: Museum of Archaeology and Anthropology


    Train Cemetery near the town of Uyuni


    La Paz: Fog rolls in over the city center


    La Paz: At the Witches' Market, you can buy a dead baby llama (top right)
    or a llama fetus (in one of the baskets) for good luck


    A shoeshine boy conceals his identity


    La Paz: Exhibit at the Coca Museum


    La Paz: One of the city's many hills


    La Paz: False advertising! Jesus was not inside,
    unless he was disguised as a computer or a mouse pad


    Copacabana: View from a US$10 hotel room. Lake Titicaca is on the right


    Copacabana: Lake Titicaca is the largest lake in South America